File 00031.7: Soooooooo…..

Posted: 15th April 2019 by Maestro in Files

It’s simple impossible for me to continue on writing on this website without acknowledging my father’s recent passing. For one, it would be rude, but also he is on the few subscribers I have for this website and would be the first one to read all my new blog posts.

Because he was always supportive of the stuff that I did, even if it was rambling on and on and on on a blog that has no clear theme or structure.

Although he would have had some strong words if I would choose to vote on a certain political party. Not that there is a risk anything like that would happen, as it turned out me and my dad pretty much had similar ideas but just in case…he reminded me often.

His passing did get me thinking a lot about death and what happens after. Not, for the person that died but for the family and friends after. Personally, I am not of the belief that something happens after death although I do feel myself hoping that my dad is in a better place right now.

I’m not sure what to make of it. I feel like it’s going against something of a core belief I have and yet it makes me feel better…or something.

That’s mostly what I feel…that I’m not sure what to feel. At moments I feel super sad and even angry on how unfair this world is…and at other moments I feel relieved…and even happy.

And then I feel guilty of feeling happy…as if I have not passed the right moment yet of being allowed to feel happy again.

These are probably very normal feelings to have anyway. I’m not claiming I’m unique in feeling this way. And the feeling of feeling guilty of being happy again are going away slowly.

Although I hate these kind of people who somehow make it a competition of who has been hurt the most or who cannot have a thing be it’s own thing.

For example if you say you’re hungry and someone butts in with: No, you cannot be hungry, kids in Africa, they are hungry.

Or, torture of animals is bad! And then someone else: Yeah, but what about cancer in humans!

Two things can be bad at the same time without diminishing the other. It’s not a competition.

But I digress…I had a plan of writing more, in general, more columns, more blogs, more book stuff and I think for the first time since February I feel I can kind of do that stuff again…so who knows. Maybe I’ll manage to write more this year than I did last year…I am going to try.

The problem with that of course is that I used to write columns for my dad’s radio show…and that I don’t have now, so no one is actually forcing me to have an opinion on something…which is something I need to get used to. I need some more time to think of this…however I will from now on write more.

Pinky promise

Last night it was pretty cold, it felt very much cryosp,

Erik

(yes, I’m stretching this joke as faaarrrrr as I can)

  1. Lia says:

    Write the columns for your own radio show. I’m sure your dad will be listening where ever he might be and he will be proud. I miss him too.

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